If perfectionism creates procrastination and overthinking
Create sustainable habits when you turn your critic into a coach
Hello friends,
It’s easy to believe that I need perfect conditions before I start. For writing, I sometimes think I need all my ideas ready before I begin. For running, I feel that I can only run if I've eaten a filling snack and it's not too late in the day. Because of this, I used to end up waiting and overthinking instead of doing things.
But after eight months off, I started writing again. Over the past three months, I’ve published twenty newsletter articles across four platforms. I also started running after eighteen months off. In March, I ran eleven days at 5.7 mph on my treadmill.
The Inner Critic’s Fixed Mindset
When I first started running, I felt physically crappy. It was such a struggle. But the emotional part was worse than the physical part. This is because my critic would pipe up with mean things such as “You can’t hack it. Give up. You’re not meant to run. You don’t have it in you.”
I heard similar voices when I started writing. The critic would spit judgments about me as a person. This shame felt worse than the writer’s block feeling of staring at my computer screen, wondering “When will the ideas come?”
Then I realized this: The self-critical thoughts come from a fixed mindset. The critic believes, “Whatever you’re experiencing now is what you’ll always experience. You can’t change. You can’t improve.” When I was able to recognize the flaws in the critic’s belief system, this helped me to dismiss the credibility of anything the critic said to me in the future.
Turn the Inner Critic into an Inner Coach
My mind will be a continual stream of inner dialogue. This is normal. I cannot escape this. But this is what I can do: I can intentionally elicit encouraging voices to fill my mind. This is how I turned my critic into a coach.
Since my critic-turned-coach is new to coaching, I needed to tell her what to say to me. Whenever she talks, I remind her, “Start all your comments to me with one of these two phrases:
One suggestion I have for your process is… or
Next time, you can…”
These two phrases focus all comments on my behavior or actions. This way, my coach identifies ways to make my writing process and running easier.
My coach’s thoughts come from a growth mindset. She believes in my potential. Her goal is to strengthen my habits, overall attitude, and grittiness.
How My Inner Coaches Reduce Perfectionistic Overthinking
I used to wait until my ideas were fully formed in my head before I started to write. This is because I wanted to avoid my inner critic. I knew she would judge each sentence as I typed it. She often said, “That’s such an obvious statement. You have nothing unique to share.”
But when I transformed my inner critic into an inner coach, I realized that my writing coach wants to help me improve my ideas. But she can only do this if I actually write something. She cannot read my mind but she can read what I type on my computer. So, if I type a crappy draft, she’s happy to work on it. The sooner I give her something to review, the more elated she is. Otherwise, when all my ideas are in my head, my coach continues to quietly sit in the corner of my office, bored, waiting for me to give her something work on.
My running coach is a motivation coach. She doesn’t offer generic recommendations. They feel inauthentic to her. As a result, she can only help me if I actually run. She’s excellent at noticing when I want to quit, identifying why I’m giving up, and offering custom suggestions to me.
She realized this, “Jenny, if you’re entertained when you run, you’re more likely to keep running for thirty minutes.” Over time, here are her suggestions:
Listen to dance music with your noise cancelling earbuds.
Before each run, create a “Run to do” list of easy things to do while you run. This is a great time to browse for new yoga pants, cardigans, and hoodies. These are items you’ve been wanting to replace.
Read your email and scroll through social media.
My running coach identified a theme: Practice habit bundling. Only let myself do these fun activities when I run. This way, when I want to do these activities during the day, I need to wait until it’s my evening running time to enjoy them.
Best wishes,
Jenny
Free Event Tomorrow: Saturday, April 6, 2024
Do you procrastinate? Waiting for ideal conditions is one way perfectionism prevents us from starting.
Tomorrow/Saturday, April 6th at 1 pm EST (7 pm CET), we'll discuss how to reduce perfectionism. It can encourage our Creative Muse to come into our lives with her gifts.
Details and free registration in below link:
I liked reading this so much, Jenny. Good writing. With my inner critic, I'd get into shouting matches. "Shut up!" "You know I'm right." Etc.
In fact, your idea of turning an inner critic into a coach is brilliant. After all, who knows more about self-care than yourself?