If I wasn’t afraid, this is what I’d do

3 questions and a WWII story that helped my decision

Dear friends,

If I wasn’t afraid, I’d create playful illustrations for my book. I’d let Yumi Sakugawa’s and Helen Dardik’s art inspire a new body of work.

To find time, my initial instinct is to take a vacation from my three email newsletters, Medium publishing, and social media posts. This approach helped me pivot my creativity in the past. But this time, I’m resistant.

Why?

1. Because I get a dopamine hit each time I finish a newsletter or social media caption.

2. I also feel fulfilled whenever someone tells me, “This was exactly what I needed to read today.”

3. My frequent publishing deadlines keep this content-creation question at the front of my mind, “How was I unkind to myself today? What reframing tips, habits, or word changes can I adopt?”

By posting consistently, the internal and external validation motivate me to keep going.

Data to Reflect On

Between January 1, 2024 and March 30, 2024:

• I published 20 newsletter articles and 55 social media posts.

• I spent 97 hours on email newsletters and 18 hours preparing social media posts. (I also spent 15 hours commenting on posts.)

But there’s an opportunity cost of my accumulated time.

Three Questions

It’s better to ask myself, “Where do I want to be at the end of the year?”

Alternative inward questions are: “What would I do if there was no such thing as social media and email newsletters? What project would provide the most intrinsic fulfillment?”

I know the answer, but it scares me.

Why?

Because I need to change my habit systems.

I’ve finally created a streamlined writing process and my content is really good But I’ll need to abandon it if I start illustrating. Developing a new art style will involve an inefficient beginning and a huge learning curve.

It will take many hours until I draw something that really makes my soul sing. Then, it will take dozens of hours until I develop a repeatable system to keep making similar illustrations for my book.

This change makes me feel anxious. At my core, I’m needy and insecure. I crave instant satisfaction. When I’m creating frequent content and I’m productive, I feel good about myself. My consistent posting schedule and quantity are my fuel.

Motivation to Pivot

As I pondered this dilemma “What do I focus my time on?” my husband shared something inspiring with me:

• During World War II, Ford Motors redesigned its car factories to create tanks, military vehicles, and aircraft engines. General Electric stopped making dishwashers and air conditioners. It began producing military components, radar systems, and aircraft components.

• Plus, American factories built gigantic ships that were large enough to transport those huge tanks across the Atlantic Ocean to Europe.

• Since these companies wanted to help the war effort, they made these fundamental changes to their processes.

I can’t even imagine how much planning, work, and patience this took. These large organizations transformed their factories to create dramatically different products.

Yes, when I pivot my focus, I’ll experience many bouts of creative blocks and false starts. I’ll feel unproductive when the art is awkward looking and I haven’t yet found my illustration style. When this feeling persists for many, many, many hours, I’ll doubt my decision to stop writing and start illustrating. Pivoting means that I’ll embark on a path of delayed satisfaction.

I want to create an emotionally-fulfilling and sustainable illustration habit system. To do this, from the very beginning, I’ll need to make this a priority: “Identify ways I can bake a sense of instant satisfaction into my new creative endeavor.” One habit is to tell myself each evening, “I’m proud of myself for….”

Wish me luck,

Jenny

P.S. I’m taking a vacation from this newsletter until the autumn. This summer, I’ll finish my book manuscript: Restore Your Brilliance: 7 Phrases to Reduce Perfectionism and Boost Self-Confidence, and start illustrating it.

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