This One-Word Technique Can Raise Your Self-Esteem

Two Steps to Replace an Unintentional Minimizing Habit with an Appreciation Habit

Sometimes when we talk, we use certain words that unknowingly hurt our self-esteem.

We may say, “I have a stupid question. I have a small request. This may be a silly idea. I need a tiny bit of your time. I’m just a writer. I only got a B on my test. I’m not good at math.”

A decade ago, I noticed that I was damaging my own self-image by the ways that I used and interpreted specific words. To build my self-esteem, I created a plan to become aware of and replace phrases that diminished myself. As I changed how I spoke and thought, my self-esteem improved.

This article explains how I replaced the word “nothing.” “Nothing” may not be one of your words. You may be using other words to unintentionally disparage yourself. I invite you to follow my two-step process. You’ll uncover a subconscious self-shrinking habit and replace it with a self-appreciation habit.

Like I did, I hope that you discover that changing the meaning of one word can become a gateway to build your self-esteem.

Self-Esteem Building Starts with Self-Awareness

One Saturday, I found myself lying in bed for ten hours. I watched movies all day. I wasn’t sick or depressed. I just wasn’t motivated. At dinner, I told myself, “I did nothing today.”

If I had said those words out loud, you would have seen the scowl on my face when I enunciated the word “nothing.” You would have noticed my narrowing eyes and the sharpness in my voice.

When you felt the unfair self-criticism, you would have jumped in and said to me, “You deserve to rest. You worked all week. This was the first weekend day in months you didn’t spend hours at your writing desk.”

Because I said those words, “I did nothing today,” silently in my mind, there were no body language or voice tone clues to signal to my brain, “Jenny is belittling herself. Intervene with an affirmation.” Instead, the self-reproach was free to wound my self-esteem, leaving me feeling bad for hours.

This is not a one-time occurrence. Each time I use the word “nothing” in a dismissive way, I repeat this cycle of self-minimizing.

Dear reader, are you ready to raise your self-esteem? If you said, “yes,” I encourage you to practice these two steps:

You can start like I did, with the word “nothing.” Or you can apply my process for another word that you use to disparage yourself. For example, if you sometimes call yourself or your ideas “stupid” or “silly,” apply my process with your selected word.

1. Notice When Someone Uses the Word “Nothing”

Identify whenever you hear or see the word “nothing.” Look for it when you speak with other people and when you write emails. Pay attention to the thoughts you think such as your inner dialogue.

Also, listen for the word “nothing” when other people talk and when you watch movies and TV shows. Sometimes it’s easier to examine our own behavior by studying other people.  

When you use or hear the word “nothing,” capture it in a note on your phone or scribble the sentence onto a sticky note. Here are examples:

• I got nothing done today.

• It was nothing special.

• Nothing is working out for me.

• I have nothing to show for my efforts.

• It’s nothing to worry about.

Try this for a day or two. It won’t be long before you have a list!

2. Adopt an Appreciation Habit

Next, you’ll change how you speak and appreciate yourself.

First, here’s a tip: Whenever I start replacing a specific word in my self-talk, I remind myself of this purpose: “I’m cultivating an appreciation habit. I’m recognizing the value of my actions and myself instead of discounting them. I’m focusing on what exists instead of what is missing.” This mantra connects my one-word change with its higher purpose: as a tool to build my self-esteem.

I encourage you to adopt the above mantra when you follow the below steps.

• Gather the notes where you jotted your “nothing” sentences.

• Pick a sentence that uses the word “nothing” in a minimizing way like “Nothing is working out for me.”

• Replace the word “nothing” with “something.” For example, change “It was nothing special” to “It was something special.”

• Reinforce your self-appreciation with positive body language and voice tone. Smile and end your sentence with enthusiasm. (It helps if you visualize your sentence ending with an exclamation point “!” instead of a period “.” Notice the difference if you said, “It was something special!” instead of “It was something special.”)

Imagine someone complimenting you about an action you took such as exclaiming, “What a delicious cake!” or “Great presentation!” You brush off the praise by saying, “It was nothing special.” The word “nothing” reinforces your belief that there’s nothing worthwhile about your action. You don’t see value in it, because subconsciously, you’re comparing your abilities to perfection and you believe that your skills are “not good enough” and “nothing special.”

When you accept the compliment with a “thank you” and think to yourself “It was something special,” you appreciate your efforts and abilities. You acknowledge that even small actions have significance. When you recognize that your actions matter, this reminds you that you’re capable of doing meaningful things. You start to see the value in your abilities and see them as “something special” and as strengths.

Taking It Further

Over the past decade, I’ve replaced many self-shrinking words. One reason is because I’ve involved friends in my journey.

If friends are discussing goals or new year resolutions, I may say, “I’m working on a project to examine my self-talk.”

If I haven’t seen a friend for a while and she asks, “What have you been up to?” I may tell her, “Since we last spoke, I noticed that I use the word ‘small’ whenever I feel insecure. I tend to say, ‘I have a small favor to ask’ or ‘I have a small problem I want to discuss.’ Do you do this too?”

When a friend says, “I do that too” or “Tell me more,” then, I’ve created another avenue of connection with her. Also, I can solicit her help and ask, “If you notice me using the word ‘silly’ to describe myself, let me know.”

Dear reader, I invite you to share your journey with friends too. They may also be using certain words to diminish themselves. They may also be curious about learning this one-word technique. They may also be eager to build their self-esteem.