I love these suggestions Jenny! I’m surprised by how often my inner dialogue can shift to negative self talk if I’m not paying attention. Especially in the days when I probably need the most self compassion. Thank you for writing another loving and lovely essay!
Thank you so much, Michelle, for resonating with what I shared. Yes, I agree. Often the days when I need the most self-compassion, those are the days I'm least aware of my negative self-talk. The same is true for physical rituals of self-care: I need them them the most when I'm unaware that I need them. :) :) :)
Thank you so much, CansaFis, for resonating with my article! Yes, I'm learning to become a bigger fan of embracing the spaciousness of doing "nothing" (and letting go of the self-shaming I tend to associate with it..) :) :)
Your captivating art and always-hopeful words inspire, Jenny. I appreciate how you show how a one-word change makes a big difference. And thanks for showing how someone's humble attempts to deflect praise with "it was nothing" backfires. People are trying to be grateful and encouraging. Do not insult their intelligence. In other words, LET THEM LOVE YOU!
Thank you for your lovely reminder, James! I will be paying more attention to when I say "should" and replace it with "could" because I have a choice: "I could do this thing" (versus feeling victim to believing that "I should do this thing.") :) :) :)
I took on the "shoulds" about a decade ago, using coulds instead it is is so empowering - like giving yourself grace and the freedom to be exactly where you are - with - as you say - choice in front of you, vs. the judgments that come with should.
Thank you for offering the distinction of "something" instead of "nothing" - I suspect it will be super liberating for me going forward.
Thank you, James, for explaining more about the power of giving up "should" in your life. I especially resonated with these words too! "giving yourself grace and the freedom to be exactly where you are" Thank YOU, James! :) :)
Thank you so much, Tom, for your ever thoughtful messages! Yes, I agree that it's better to let people compliment us and to soak that compliment into our soul instead of dismissing those lovely recognitions for another way we are wonderful. YOU ARE SO WONDERFUL TOM!!! I am very THANKFUL for you and our friendship! :) :) :)
I totally see this - maybe there's a cultural element to it too? Growing up in Singapore, I feel there's an expectation to self-deprecate or self-minimize but somehow since there are these cultural expectations which in turn don't feel so bad *internally* uttering these "nothing"s - although that then makes me feel insincere
Thank you so much, Chao, for sharing your thoughts! They are so insightful!
Yes, you reminded me of the cultural element of growing up as a first generation Vietnamese-American to immigrant parents. I was brought up to not brag.
Also, if I did something nice for another person and they thanked me, I'd respond, "oh it was no big deal." This is because I should not let people know how much effort or time I had spent on that task (because I don't want them to think that they inconvenienced me). Yes, this is all part of a self-deprecating culture.
Your helped me unearth to these subconscious beliefs and habits.
Always a useful takeaway or reminder from your articles Jenny. Noticing "nothing" references in my own speech and thought is very intriguing and I'm looking forward to observing my own relationship to the word/concept in my behavior. This sentence encapsulates your point in the most useful and portable way for me. "I’m focusing on what exists instead of what is missing.” Thank you.
You are very welcome, my wonderful friend Rick! It brings me so much joy to know that you find insightful actionable tips and mindset shifts in my articles.
Thank you for sharing with me the quote that you found the most useful and "portable" (I love that description of yours!) That intention of " focusing on what exists instead of what is missing” is a constant goal of mine.
For most of my life, people underappreciated me and made me develop a mindset of underappreciating myself too. I have been consciously working to cultivate the mindset to focus on the good that exists in me and everything I do and everything I attempt.
Best wishes to you Rick! You are so wonderful! :) :) Jenny
I love these suggestions Jenny! I’m surprised by how often my inner dialogue can shift to negative self talk if I’m not paying attention. Especially in the days when I probably need the most self compassion. Thank you for writing another loving and lovely essay!
Thank you so much, Michelle, for resonating with what I shared. Yes, I agree. Often the days when I need the most self-compassion, those are the days I'm least aware of my negative self-talk. The same is true for physical rituals of self-care: I need them them the most when I'm unaware that I need them. :) :) :)
I'm a big fan of nothing, the doing and don'ting of it all, and really appreciated the way this article makes nothing into something...
Thank you so much, CansaFis, for resonating with my article! Yes, I'm learning to become a bigger fan of embracing the spaciousness of doing "nothing" (and letting go of the self-shaming I tend to associate with it..) :) :)
Your captivating art and always-hopeful words inspire, Jenny. I appreciate how you show how a one-word change makes a big difference. And thanks for showing how someone's humble attempts to deflect praise with "it was nothing" backfires. People are trying to be grateful and encouraging. Do not insult their intelligence. In other words, LET THEM LOVE YOU!
Exchange “something” for “nothing”
Then exchange “could” for “should”
Shoulds are dangerous...they have expectations operating in the background.
Thank you for your lovely reminder, James! I will be paying more attention to when I say "should" and replace it with "could" because I have a choice: "I could do this thing" (versus feeling victim to believing that "I should do this thing.") :) :) :)
I took on the "shoulds" about a decade ago, using coulds instead it is is so empowering - like giving yourself grace and the freedom to be exactly where you are - with - as you say - choice in front of you, vs. the judgments that come with should.
Thank you for offering the distinction of "something" instead of "nothing" - I suspect it will be super liberating for me going forward.
Thank you, James, for explaining more about the power of giving up "should" in your life. I especially resonated with these words too! "giving yourself grace and the freedom to be exactly where you are" Thank YOU, James! :) :)
Thank you so much, Tom, for your ever thoughtful messages! Yes, I agree that it's better to let people compliment us and to soak that compliment into our soul instead of dismissing those lovely recognitions for another way we are wonderful. YOU ARE SO WONDERFUL TOM!!! I am very THANKFUL for you and our friendship! :) :) :)
Excellent article! Well thought out and it flows! I love the call to action at the end, too!
Thank you so much, Dave! I really appreciate your lovely message and how you resonated with my article! :) :)
I totally see this - maybe there's a cultural element to it too? Growing up in Singapore, I feel there's an expectation to self-deprecate or self-minimize but somehow since there are these cultural expectations which in turn don't feel so bad *internally* uttering these "nothing"s - although that then makes me feel insincere
Thank you so much, Chao, for sharing your thoughts! They are so insightful!
Yes, you reminded me of the cultural element of growing up as a first generation Vietnamese-American to immigrant parents. I was brought up to not brag.
Also, if I did something nice for another person and they thanked me, I'd respond, "oh it was no big deal." This is because I should not let people know how much effort or time I had spent on that task (because I don't want them to think that they inconvenienced me). Yes, this is all part of a self-deprecating culture.
Your helped me unearth to these subconscious beliefs and habits.
Thank YOU, Chao!!! :) :) Jenny
Always a useful takeaway or reminder from your articles Jenny. Noticing "nothing" references in my own speech and thought is very intriguing and I'm looking forward to observing my own relationship to the word/concept in my behavior. This sentence encapsulates your point in the most useful and portable way for me. "I’m focusing on what exists instead of what is missing.” Thank you.
You are very welcome, my wonderful friend Rick! It brings me so much joy to know that you find insightful actionable tips and mindset shifts in my articles.
Thank you for sharing with me the quote that you found the most useful and "portable" (I love that description of yours!) That intention of " focusing on what exists instead of what is missing” is a constant goal of mine.
For most of my life, people underappreciated me and made me develop a mindset of underappreciating myself too. I have been consciously working to cultivate the mindset to focus on the good that exists in me and everything I do and everything I attempt.
Best wishes to you Rick! You are so wonderful! :) :) Jenny
This essay is beaaauuutttiiifffuullll!!!
Thank youuuuuu sooooo much, James! Happy to feel the positive tone in your thoughtful message. :) :)